Dry, Forgetful, Remembering

Isaiah 58:11 

“The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.”

The earth is dry here.  The trees are thin and tall.  Mountains stand firm and wide, powerful in there stillness.  Since we arrived here my soul has acquired some of that dryness.  Maybe it’s a product of being here in the high dessert.  Maybe it’s aftershock of being transplanted to such a different place.  Or maybe it’s due to the cyclic questioning I can’t seem to turn off.  The why’s, the what for’s, the how come’s.  But there is a winding river through this city that somehow satisfies dryness.  The dryness doesn’t disappear, it’s not completely quenched, yet that constant moisture, that flow of beauty through the dessert brings the needed satisfaction.

You are that river to my soul

I have such a thankful heart for what you are doing, but it has it’s moments when the enemy comes to rob that thankfullness using doubt and fear.  The complete change of our lives was like an earthquake.  It came abruptly, it had instant impact and it created a definitive, uneraseable mark on us.  But it was an act of God.  Something that needed to happen to move us forward in his plans.  Some days I feel the calm after the storm.  Other days seem to be experienced as if things have always been like this, like there was no change.  And the rest are aftershocks where the ground just will not stay still.  Yet my feet are planted on you, not the ground that is so unstable.

You are that river to my soul

I offend wonder how Abraham felt when he was told to “go”.  He didn’t argue, he went.  He listened and did what he was told.  And oddly enough that’s what we did.  We heard, we stayed open and we followed the voice of our Shepard with simplicity and rejected all potentials of fear and doubt.  I have to admit, it felt good.  Not prideful, but like we actually did something well, together and that you were pleased with our obedience.  And I think you were.  We felt the smile you had on our response, our collective response.

But I forgot

I forgot 1 Peter 5:8 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

But I forgot

I forgot Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

But I forgot

I forgot that when we step into what you want us to do, when we obey completely and go with you in your plans that we are targets.  That we are threats to your enemy, our enemy.  That he focuses on those who follow you.  Then he slips just enough truth in that our guards can go down and we get vulnerable.  But he usually doesn’t strike right away.  He’s strategic and plans his attacks well.

Vulnerable and uprooted I left my heart unguarded.  Not realizing what was happening.  And so it happened.  The bomb went off.  The leaking fuel line finally caught on fire.

But now I remember

I remember I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

But now I remember

I remember 2 Thessalonians 3:3 ”But  the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.”

But now I remember

I remember Malachi 3:6 “For I, the LORD, do not change”

But now I remember

I remember Exodus 14:14 “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

I remember when we confess, we are forgiven.  When we repent, we change lives.  I remember that you are faithful through all things, always.  I remember that you never change.  I remember that you will fight for your children, we must simply get out of your way.  Consequences exist after every action.  That can’t be changed.  The wounds we give each other do not disappear, but they heal and produce experiences so we can share and grow together as your bride.

I remember that you do not waste anything, any joys, any pains, any sins, any hurts.  I remember that I need you to save me from myself every moment of every day.  My brokenness doesn’t ever leave, so I need to be saved from myself everyday.

Now I remember

 

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